i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
