and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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