she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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