You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
