Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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