I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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