If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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