Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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