I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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