his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
