yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
