I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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