My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
