His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
