im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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