This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
