Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
