is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
