Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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