Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
