Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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