Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
