i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
