I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
