I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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