Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
