guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
