thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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