Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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