And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
