Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
