3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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