so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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