I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
