didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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