She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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