I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
