Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
