I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Are my feet made of real feet?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
