Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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