Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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