i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
