My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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