i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
