So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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