I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
