I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
