Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I checked into jail on foursquare
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
