He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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