I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
