the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
