Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
FUCK WHALES
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
