i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
