that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
