My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
