Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
