It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
